There are things that I’ve never shown to the public (specifically posting it on social media) is my silliness.
I don’t know why
It was never crossed my mind and then, I realized I unconsciously have the image I want to create and let people only see the cold, silent, artsy-wannabe, androgynous-look, that was unknowingly searching for her own soul through traveling by herself and expressing it throughout photographs.
Until today I was looking for a picture of myself that really represents the whole me.
My selfies are definitely not passed the criteria. My self-portraits were also only portrayed on one side of the story I wanted to show.
And then my eyes caught the silly photo of me that made me laughed at myself and I feel warm, I feel the comfort of myself, in my own skin. Where has that girl been for all these times?
I know, people that are close to me are familiar with my playful, silliness, and the laugh that is funnier than the joke, the laugh that made people laugh, the laugh that they miss, they said; They made me feel loved.
But some of them also know, besides, the mouth that laughs until the stomach aches, sit the eyes that cry until the lungs pant; all are conceived by one heart. I laughed as I’ve never laughed before because I had not had it for a long time. My younger self could not let the emotions out. And so, when I started to laugh, I let myself feel it as long as I can, as loud as I can resonate it to my past self that could never feel the way I feel at the present.
I am a lot and everything in between
and this is me
I should not be only one
I should not choose either part
because I should not only be
one color
one race
one belief
but one person
and that is okay
to be me
and I must not ever be
anyone else.